by Linda G. Tessler, Ph.D., Psychologist, Bryn Mawr, PA

4. LOOK INSIDE – Like What You See
Situation
You've got a great support system; you've set up achievable goals; you're working very hard. Things go well at first. Then you start looking ahead and the end seems too far. Or, you come across what seems to be an insurmountable problem. You don't think you can sustain the level of effort needed to go on. You begin to think about giving up.

What can you do to avoid falling into this trap?     Answer: Look Inside. Like What You See.

Everyone gets discouraged at times. It's a symptom of life, not of a learning disability. Those who have learning issues must judge themselves by appropriate standards. Your goals and achievements are your own and cannot be compared to anyone else's. Indeed, the happiest people are those who stay focused on their own game plan and measure today's success against yesterday's. Dissatisfaction arises from comparing your "self" to others. Since delayed gratification is part of your life, motivation and pleasure must come from within. Self-image is in your control, so figure out how to look inside and like what you see.

Here are a few tips to maintain a winning self-image:

• Notice small improvements and pat yourself on the back for them. Learn to feel satisfaction from every step forward. Make promises to yourself and keep them. If you tell yourself, "I'm going to read five pages every night," then do it! A winning self-image depends on honoring promises to yourself. Have integrity to yourself.

• View problems and obstacles as feedback, never failure. Bumps in the road are just road signs telling you to do things differently. Try another way, but keep moving. You will find something that works.

• You need to find ways to soothe yourself when things are not going well. A natural reaction to problems is to hurry through in order to get rid of the stressful situation. For the person, with a learning disability, this is disaster. At stressful times, you must stay true to your rhythm and slow down more than usual. Literally, stop to breathe slowly and deeply. Relax yourself back to what you were doing.

• You need to take breaks. Do something physical such as running, playing ball, or taking a walk. For some people, yoga or meditation is a good stress-reducer. Maybe you just need to talk to a support person. As we discussed before, taking breaks is necessary to keep going.

• Develop a talent; something you're consistently good at. Your talent doesn't have to be as an athlete, dancer, musician, or other great gift. Your talent is anything you're good at: baby-sitting, craft projects, an after-school job, or a million other things.

• Humor smoothes the way. It's the lubricant for life. Apply freely.

©Copyright Tessler, Summer, 1998

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